Where'd the snow go?

TRI

I'm having a hard time believing it.... but I could be wrong. 

More research must be done.

Missed

Dear cyberspace,

I think I've missed out.

I sometimes wish life had a 'backspace'.

I wouldn't use it often...

Or I'd try not to.

Maybe I'd just use it once,

like right now.

Maybe I'm being nonsensical.

Or maybe then, you were far too verbal.

Tonight, you seemed like you've grown up.

Grown toward The Good.

For a split second I gave it a chance,

but took it back, now I'm wishing for a second chance.

But it's too late to reminisce   

Because nothing was, or is, or will become of it.

My car is totaled....

BUT

Christmas is love.

A Vapor

That's it.

That's all of it.

I think God's been trying to teach me this for quite sometime...

Have I received the blatant and obvious message yet?

"She's grown up," he said.

It would be shameful to admit,

"I only write when things ain't right"...

But that's just it, that's all of it.

Or the past "of it."

Is Time a friend or a foe?

One thing I know,

I write more when the temperature's Cold.

Cold, why'd you have to come just yet.

A few more things I have to offset...

but you're here; I can feel you

Especially down here.

You're so bitter

But what does It matter anyway?!

It's times like these I'm thankful for Time.

Point A --> B

Today was a good day.

Women's Schmealth

I took a survey at my school today for the city of Madison.
It was on "Women's Health Habits."
It made me feel like I was a healthy, grown woman
compared to the rest of the world.

"Lose to Win"

I've got no one to call my own

Nobody calls me on the phone, I've been disconnected

I've been evicted from my home

Name and address care of unknown, it's been redirected

Now the open sky's my limit, and the sun's my point of view

This time I had to lose to win

I walk down Peachtree Avenue

Nothing's the same since I lost you, it's to be expected

I never thought that I'd stoop quite so low

You had no choice but to up and go you felt so rejected

I crashed with the wheels still spinning, I had no overview

I just crawled out and walked away

Now I can't stop my mouth from grinning, and time is running thin

This time I had to lose to win

Do do do do do do ...

I know I should be feeling, a lot worse than I do

As past due payment for my sins

But I'm done with pain from kneeling, the sky's still colored blue

This time I had to lose to win

Do do do do do do ...

You were good to me.

Dear everyone

I am leaving the country tomorrow.

:)

When will I return...

Could be never.

Or maybe I won't even leave.

Or maybe I'll return shortly?

Who knows.

Adventures... I smile and wave my wrists at you.

Bye!

Nobama!

Posible, as the Mexicans say

Reading, you might be considered a new best friend.

What's Left of Her

Inn-spur-eh-shun

From October 21st

Damien Rice feat Ray Lamontagne - To Love Somebody

Really?!

"Non-judgment day is coming."

- Bumper sticker of the day...

Thought is never static; pain often is.

I guess I'm 1/2 Elf

Victronia's Secret

The Future.

Pleasantness

The woman sitting next to me wreaks of cheap perfume.

Sleep, you were short,

but you were sweet.

Body rested,

from head to feet.

Temporary?

Definitely true.

In hours to come

It'll be just me and you.

Paintings

Today, while was I was catching a breath of fresh air and a moments rest from a tedious research paper, my mind couldn't help but wander. I started to wonder about myself and the Potential. I got the whole 'marriage' talk from Dave yesterday while we were driving my car to get an appraisal on the accident damage from Thursday.

Dave knows my position, as of late, on "unity," which isn't what he wants for me... I guess I am just another typical Generation Yer. It seems like it's the 'norm' for people of my same age to not want to be married. Instead, we seek to be "individuals" and to pursue our careers...  We seek these things in hopes that we may become distinct... gosh. 

Well,I can't throw stones. It would be hypocritical of me. But it makes me want to vomit.

Anyway, Dave painted a lovely picture of marriage. It's too bad that I don't see that picture in reality very often. And when I do see it, within years most of those lovely paintings are destroyed or at least, the vibrant colours are faded, and they no longer represent the colours I remember from the first time I glanced at the piece of art. They have suffered some kind of outside abuse, which has left it looking tainted and ugly. This isn't true for every beautiful painting, but it seems like the majority. However, maybe I have fallen into believing the lies that I hear in my head. The truth? ... I am searching.

I started to think, well, if I should meet Potential, would I even recognize it? Most of the "men" that I've seen any potential in at all have all turned out to be... well, how do I say this? Bad boys? Yeah, I guess that is a suitable choice. You hear it said over and over again, "good girls always end up with bad boys." 

On one hand, no one is ever going to be "good enough." This is something that I've learned from having many siblings who have all dated at least one person and each time one of them brings someone home, there's always a list of things quote "wrong" with their temporary choice. But with this mind set, I sometimes find myself coming to the point of, "well, SINCE no one is ever going to be good enough, just do what feels right." Uhhhh... feels, that word makes me squirm. Everyone seems to be so focussed on how they feel. For the longest time I trained myself to feel only certain feelings... I was working on developing a heart of stone in which nothing could penetrate or destroy... how idiotic of me.

BUT......

On the flip side, I started to wonder if a quality Potential entered my life today (or maybe Q.P. already has), would I even be attracted to him, because from my past selections, most likely not. (Side note: I think our society has cultivated a whole generation of "bad boys," and all girls, good or bad, like this because we've been brain washed... and I'm not trying to play the victim here. We have brains, we should use them.) The Q.P. (wherever he is) gets shot down before he even has a chance because most girls (at least me) have already decided that he is going to be boring, uninteresting, shy, and too nice, which really amounts to a genuine, loving, caring person, and that freaks a girl out these days. Nothing can be too serious... Instead, most girls seek the boy who is 'edgy,' rough around the edges, sarcastic... mean, or "manly". I think we have a screw loose... maybe more than one. Or maybe it's just me?

Alright, so I've said that... I guess I'm just wondering where the Q.P. men are? Do they exist? Where are they? Am I blind? Maybe I don't see them because I'm not attracted to them at this point in my life. I'm that girl who is attracted to the guy that, "doesn't add up for you, honey." How do or should I respond to that? Is anyone every going to be "good enough" or do I just say, "so what."? 

I'm also wondering why God would make the opposite sexes so different from each other. Women connect on an emotional level; whereas men connect on a physical level. I guess that is supposed to balance out somehow. I don't get the math.

Ugh... my conclusions: so far, my painting is looking quite bland. I'm getting bored of seeing just my colours over and over again. I see no creativeness or beauty in it. It's just a piece constructed entirely of one artist, me. It's just so self-absorbed. Now that I look at it more closely, it's not even that pretty. There is nothing really unique or inspiring about it either. I see no direction. It's just at a standstill. 

All American Sportswear

Rain

i walk in and out of storms.

yesterday, i walked into another.

those around faced their heads to the ground.

they spickered and sputtered about some distant lover

their faces were gray

their faces only relayed

everything within a public display,

on this "gloomy" day.

well, i suppose that's just cliche;

not me, i would not join them in 'this' today.

gloom, you come and you go.

you trick us to believe that we need you so,

grasping tightly to our memories and ego.

well, not today, gloom.

today, i welcome Rain

to wash away the leftover stains

Rain, you are gentle,

and you cause little pain.

i like that there's not much i have to explain.

i guess that it's written all over me

in dark, bold printing.

rain, come often,

rain, come hard.

a friend some days

and gloom for the most part.

despite it, come again 

and again 

and again.

I look forward to our next meeting.

Good & Bad

Today...

I woke up late...

But I would've made it to school on time IF:

I'd left at my original start time...

I probably wouldn't have gotten into an accident either (it wasn't my fault though, for reals).

The good in this accident:

no injuries to human bodies.

cars are repairable

it could've been much worse than it ended up being, thanks to God.

I lost my tortoise wayfarers today. I retracked my steps when I noticed their disappearance, but they are now in the hands of another person. :(

I took an exam today. I should've studied more.

I dropped my chicken salad on the floor... i ate what looked clean.

I had to talk to the police today. They weren't very helpful. Typical.

Heather, my insurance lady at Geico is nice.

Oh My Gosh

To Do:

Homework-
Merchandising Planning & Control:
- Final Project Analysis & spreadsheet (revised)
- Spreadsheet Assignment 3 (page 244-245 #1 a-e, #2 a-d)
- Quiz #9
Economics:
- Read Ch. 10
- Quiz #10 (10/14)
Contemporary American Society:
- "Bowling for Columbine" Review (10/17)
- Welfare Reform paper (10/17)
- Wealth in U.S.A. report (10/17)
Leadership Strategies:
- "Crash" review/report (10/14)
- Assignment #7 (10/14)
- Midterm Exam (10/21)
Marketing Research:
- Read Ch. 4
- Review all documents in online folder
- 200 pnt. research project (10/16)
Store Operations:
- Put in 4 hrs of work at the store this week besides class attendance....

Other:
Work
Pack
Clean
Wrap
School Apps
Rest???

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

She & Him

From Here to There.

To: ANG

HUG From Me To You!

He is

Not a good actor & a scum-bag...

but there's something attractive about him, and it's not a pretty face.

.AFRICA.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.America.

Help Wanted

Who: White people

What: Single (leftover nazi and a lady bum)

Why: Picky (their excuse for their status)

The Gate

Carrying a world inside of pages

Images splattered with vibrant colours

Mind afar; back and forth she paces
Creativity lingers
A taste inhaled
Summer ceases
This life no longer paled

I miss...

Welcome to our pool.

Sisters... and Bree

Em and I switched smiles.

Vee are herah to pump you up!

Blondie

Eesh.

Sometimes it's just better to avoid the mirror because the face staring back at you will only make you want to throw up...

 Today is one of those days.

Thanks Men!

Mostly fixed and ready to go... mind you, this is none of my work, at all.

Nonetheless, it looks super sweet. I'm excited.

Thanks, thank you, gracias.

aggravated.

agitated.

commonality

i have nothing interesting to say,

nothing creative to write.

my mind is a blank canvas 

this evening, this night.

i'm tired. old news.

but restless. you too?

i'm actually not surprised.

tired and restless. 

a common mix.

a reality that 

was.

is.

and will be.

Luke

I went running today when I got home from school.

On the lake path in the direction towards home,

a furry friend soaking wet from enjoying himself in the lake joined me.

He tagged along my side for some time... all the way home actually.

Yes, I did look for someone to claim him as I ran, but no one did.

Everyone I passed assumed that Luke was with me.

I couldn't get rid of him, even if I had wanted to try.

So, to my house he came. I fed him, and watered him.

But unfortunately, he had a lady at home that missed him.

That is when we had to part and go our different ways.

He didn't even say goodbye.

Luke, you were a good pet whilst you were mine. 

Thanks for joining me on my birthday jog. 

Maybe we'll meet again on the shore path.

time

883,008,000 heart beats

11,037,600 hours

7,665 days

1,071 weeks

252 months

21 years

invisible and fast

it sweeps just past

a joyous taste

but it doesn't last

try to catch it

only to get lost

face the wind

or count the costs

Hah!

I got you bike!!

:)

Now, all you need is some loving repair.

$5

...  And I passed you up. What was I thinking? 

I wasn't.

First off, there is something big making a racket right outside of my window, and whatever it's trying to do, it's persistent. Gosh... I wish it would find somewhere else to make all that noise. It's starting to freak me out a little!

A boy-man in my economics class admitted to smoking. Crazy, right?!? Hah! Let me explain.

Miss Economics asked who in the class, ''honestly smokes?" About half the class raised their fingers in the air, then she went onto say how the price for cigarettes has gone up, yet people continue to buy because they're inelastic. So she's blabbing away about it and the boy-man goes, "OH! I thought you were talking about smokin' weed!"...silence... eye-brows raised by the teacher... boy-man: "hah! oops."

School, school, school.

Hide and Move On

One of the few text books that I decided to actually buy went missing over a week ago. I've looked high and low and every where in between, but that little book refuses to be found... so today, I had to go into the bookstore and buy the same exact book again! I've learned my lesson... I think? I pretty much just threw $70 dollars in to the garbage for no one to retrieve for any kind of use... just gone... forever. Ugh... someday I will be responsible.

Something's awry on the shoreline.
A year to date started the goodbyes.
You can only block so much from the mind
That is, if you really strive.
Sometimes it's easier to push it aside
Never to be dealt with, fed to the wayside.
You can love someone deeply, but be d'clined.
But there's always more than what meets the eye.
A fear to be loved, maybe, but why?
A battle rages on that no soul can hide
An inward sadness portrayed on the outside.
A hole is dug, and covered with lies.
Only to be re-dug
Once.
Twice.
Three times.
Maybe a scar will someday reside
After the pain... the pride... subside.
And if you reach the healing point, know that
The scars wont give your memory to the wayside.

Gritssssssssss

Elijah '06

I used to draw often...

God Is Light

This is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is Light, and in Him there is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth; but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin... I have not written to you because you do not know the truth, but because you do know it, and because no lie is of the truth.

- 1 John 1:5-7; 2:21

Satisfying

a cruise with J around the village.

this is my mom's bike from back in the day.

Yerke's Observatory

it has the largest glass telescope in the world

and the architecture of the entire building is absolutely beautiful!

yes please.

boating, yes or no?

Tryin'

if she told you a secret,
or had one request,
would you listen?
how much time would you invest?
just try... please; do not rest.
hold on a bit longer
because she's tryin' her best.
she'll get there, i promise.

everythin's inside. kept suppressed,
her words don't come easy,

 this she'll confess with much regret.
but you must know that she's tryin'.
don't leave her in this state of stress.
 you know she's got nothin' to offer you but this mess.
everythin' she was and is she's tryin' to forget

so, try not to ingest cuz this little gal before you will only infest.

she will only cause you distress.

leadin' you to a life depressed.

but i'm tryin', don't give up yet.
i'm still tryin'. 

tryin' my best.

Bottled Time

Wasted time....

.....

....

..

.

There's so much of it!

I Wish that I could bottle it up in little bottles that I could carry around with me. I could use it in the times when there just doesn't seem like there's enough time to accomplish some task, or see a familiar face a bit longer, or enjoy a single moment just a little longer...  Ya' know? Time just evaporates. It's there one second and gone almost instantaneously. And then there are all those times when time just drags on with nothingness... 

Just Thinking

School has already gotten the best of me.

It's just monotonous. 

Stressful... busy work... long... boring, SO boring.

Maybe it's just the fact that the classes this semester are dull.

EVERY SINGLE ONE! How can that BE?!

It can't be. I'm just complaining. That's all it really comes down to.

Learning is good. Learning is fun, or can be at least.

I'm just being my negative self, unfortunately.

Ang, I've been reading your tumblr. "Hello!"

I can't believe you are going to Afreeeka! I'll miss you.

Well, I miss you either way, but goodness, AFRICA?!

I'm excited/jealous of you.

Hmmmm... I want to do SOMETHING.

That something doesn't really pertain to school.

I want... hmmm... well, the 'want' usually isn't what you are doing.

Ugh! Why is that? Why are we, as human, so dissatisfied with where God has us now?!

I don't know. I need to learn contentment and joy.

Hmph.

Even if I can't find a good in everything, I know God is good.

Rambling... sorry

Hey J!

What Happened

One day of September is already gone!

What did I do; where did I go?

I went to someone's mansion and laid on their luscious lawn.

I worked. Sold a few pair of expensive jeans

to stuffy, 'sophisticated' women who've seen many dawns.

I had lick or two... or maybe three

of delectable ice cream.

The day is done.

I'm tired.

School is soon.

I'm so tired.

Only hours away...

I will be tired.

Goodbye August.

You went so fast!

Hello September.

What's in store for you this year?

No meat?

It's true... I can't believe it, but it is. I am contemplating Vegetarianism. 

Why?

Well, it's not about "saving the environment" or "preventing animal cruelty."

I love meat! I mean, we're supposed to eat it... However, the meat we currently consume is contaminated with all sorts of pesticides (14 times the amount that is in plant food, to be precise). So that MUST mean that it can't be that great for you anymore. Although, this is obviously something I need to research more. The outcome is unknown as of now. There are alternatives to this... I'm just not sure I want to pay for it quite yet.

Books

Dear You,

Here's the deal...

I want to read more books... I need some good ideas of:

1. good books (thought provoking, humorous, sad, whatever... but good)

2. consistently good authors

3. fill in the blank

Thanks.

go melt back into the night, babe,

everything inside is made of stone.

there's nothing in here moving

an' anyway i'm not alone.

Who are all of you out there?

Anyone?

i miss my winter locks.

I realized today that it's been quite sometime since I last posted something I personally wrote... besides a short blurp here and there....

It's time to start again.

I Press On

the past builds your future. - k.mase

Lend your ear.... ...

Dear.
This love must end here.

Let's end it without a single tear
Because I know your love isn't that sincere.

No, it's not about your feelings for beer.
Although, that is something you should fear.

A music career is the one thing you revere...

This love haze has disappeared...

There was a time when everything you said seemed so clear.
There was a time when I thought that all you wanted was me near...
But with the passing of days, my life's becoming more and more clear.
I no longer want to feel these days full of drear.

So you, .... 

I choose to leave you and all this right here.

Ahhhh, yes, Goodbye.

Wit & Wisecracks

"Man is a museum of diseases, a home of impurities; he comes today and is gone tomorrow; he begins as dirt and departs as stench." - Mark Twain

Dissipate

Poison oak... you consume me!

Simplicity of it all

"I have a simple philosophy. Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches."

- Alice Roosevelt Longworth

Bah-hum-bug

uncomfortably, i sit

disgusted with my stomach

disproportional, feelin' large

sick of eating lard... all the time

dissatisfied 

Weekends to come

Tomorrow - we float

Next weekend - we camp in SLO and Ang comes

Next, next weekend - DJ comes for a whole week

Next, next, next weekend - we return to WI

July 31. 2008

It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
It don't matter, anyhow
And it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
If you don't know by now
When your rooster crows at the breaks of dawn
Look out your window and I'll be gone
You're the reason I'm traveling on
Don't think twice, it's all right.

It ain't no use in turning on your light, babe
That light I never knowed
And it ain't no use in turning on your light, babe
I'm on the dark side of the road
But I wish there was somethin' you would do or say
To try and make me change my mind and stay
We never did too much talking anyway
So don't think twice, it's all right.

So long honey, babe
Where I'm bound, I can't tell
Goodbye's too good a word, babe
So I'll just say fare thee well
I ain't saying you treated me unkind
You could have done better but I don't mind
You just kinda wasted my precious time
But don't think twice, it's all right.

Near To You - A Fine Frenzy

He and I had something beautiful
But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last
I loved him so but I let him go
'Cause I knew he'd never love me back

Such pain as this
Shouldn't have to be experienced
I'm still reeling from the loss,
Still a little bit delirious

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.

You and I have something different
And I'm enjoying it cautiously
I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard
To get back to who I used to be

He's disappearing
Fading suddelly
I'm so close to being yours
Won't you stay with me
Please

Fastest summer yet.

raw

pieces of glass everywhere

it once was whole 

it once was beautiful

shards of glass is all one sees

the glamour of life has died

every tear has been cried

everything seems old

no one dares to be bold

nothing original left to do

it seems like there's nothing life can offer you

everyone is broken

everyone is messed up

everyone lacks pure love

it seems like we're all so selfish

Mister

she's consumed with conviction

but he...

his life bounces that line

between non-fiction and fiction

every day isn't a reality

why do you choose to live in a lie

Oops

Independence Day

Michelle

Her computer is a piece of trash.

Her boyfriend can't grow a stache.

They haven't talked in days, no weeks.

Sick of being hit on by counselor creeps. 

This summer seems to be dragging on.

And why is it that now everyone wears neon?

Her stomach hurts from indigestible food.

I'm sorry if this all sounds a bit rude.

It's time to get over the temporal things in life

I wish that I had a red pocket knife.

A Cup

Tried to write a letter today
While sipping on a dolce latte
Couldn't decide whom to address
So I just sat there alone in my shirtdress
Wondering... Wandering... Pondering...
And then it happens again
Detached girl sitting just so
Imagining herself chasing to and fro
Net in hand, barefoot in the grass
Trying to jump high to catch them alas
They seem to be just out of reach
At least that whats said every time she speaks
Maybe some day she will grow taller
Maybe some day she will jump higher
But until that day, what will become
Of the girl in the dress in the grass with the net?

Huh.

Joy, Dallas, and I played in the staff volleyball tournament this weekend for fun... we didn't expect to last very long. We created brilliant dance moves and victory moves for ourselves. Yeah... ... ... so somehow unbeknownst (?) to us, we ended up in the championship game against our boss, Peet, and some pro volleyball chick from Pondy and we got devoured. 

However, we did win our first kickball game tonight... ... but I still don't like Monday night kickball, even when we win.

Mmmmmm.... Delectable

It's coming back.

Mom? Dad?

A stunning group of young dames and an old woman.

Dear Breeze, tangle up my hair. Thanks.